Talk With Gloria: Why Sex Matters More Than You Think (Part 2)

Talk With Gloria

By Gloria O Ukamaka

In Part 1, we talked about something the church avoids: sex in marriage is good, sacred, and necessary.

But now comes the harder conversation, the one that’ll make some people to be on the edge, the one that challenges what culture has normalized.

Why did God confine sex to marriage?

And before you roll your eyes thinking this is another “don’t have sex” lecture, hear me out. Because the answer isn’t what most people think.

God didn’t create boundaries around sex because He’s controlling or old-fashioned. He created them because He loves you too much to let you destroy yourself.

Today, we’re talking about why sex outside marriage isn’t just “breaking a rule,” it’s breaking you. And if you’ve already crossed that line, we’re talking about grace, redemption, and the path forward.

Let’s go.

THE ADVANTAGES OF SEX WITHIN MARRIAGE

Let’s start with why God’s design is actually better than what the world offers.

Emotional Safety: You’re fully known and fully loved. There’s covenant, commitment, a promise that says “I’m not going anywhere.” No performing to keep someone interested.

Spiritual Intimacy: Two becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Sex becomes an act of worship, soul ties that honor God instead of breaking you.

Physical Health: No risk of STDs when both are faithful, no fear of infections, no unplanned pregnancies outside commitment. Your body is protected.

Relational Stability: Sex strengthens the bond, creates trust, reminds you that you belong to each other. It’s exclusive, so there’s no comparison or wondering.

Freedom to Explore: Safety creates freedom. You can be vulnerable, try new things, laugh together without fear of judgment or abandonment.

Consistent Pleasure: You’re learning each other’s bodies over years, not rushing through one-night encounters. The intimacy gets better with time.

Mental Peace: No guilt, no shame, no wondering if you’re being used. Just pure enjoyment within God’s blessing.

This is why God designed it this way. Not to restrict your joy, to maximize it.

THE CONSEQUENCES OF SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE

Now let’s talk about what happens when we step outside God’s design. I’m not saying this to judge you, I’m saying this to educate you.

Emotional Consequences: Soul ties with people who aren’t committed to you. You feel used, empty, like you gave something sacred to someone who didn’t value it. Difficulty bonding in marriage because you’ve bonded with so many others.

Spiritual Consequences: Sin separates us from God. You carry guilt and shame that affects your prayer life, worship, and ability to hear Him clearly.

Physical Consequences: STDs (herpes, HPV, HIV, chlamydia, some treatable, some lifelong), unplanned pregnancies, abortion and its trauma, health complications.

Relational Consequences: Every person becomes a reference point. You compare, remember, carry baggage into marriage that your spouse has to deal with. Trust becomes harder.

God wasn’t trying to rob you of pleasure. He was trying to protect you from pain.

YOUR BODY BELONGS TO YOUR SPOUSE

Remember 1 Corinthians 7:4? “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”

If you’re married, your body isn’t just yours anymore. It belongs to your spouse. And theirs belongs to you.

This is mutual ownership, mutual responsibility, mutual pleasure.

Which means when you withhold intimacy without reason, you’re withholding what belongs to them. When you engage sexually with someone else (even through pornography or fantasy), you’re sharing what belongs to your spouse.

Your body is their sacred space. And their body is yours. Honor that.

This isn’t about control or ownership for abuse. It’s about covenant. It’s about understanding that marriage makes you one, and what affects one affects both.

So guard your body, Steward it well. Give it freely to your spouse. And honor the exclusivity that God designed for marriage.

WHAT IF MY SPOUSE REFUSES SEX CONSISTENTLY?

Let’s address something we didn’t cover in Part 1: What do you do when your spouse consistently refuses intimacy?

First, understand the difference between occasional refusal and consistent withholding.

Occasional refusal is normal (someone’s tired, stressed, sick, that’s life). But consistent withholding, going weeks or months without intimacy, refusing to even discuss it, showing no interest in your needs, that’s a problem. And it’s biblical grounds for concern.

Remember, 1 Corinthians 7:5 says, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time.”

Withholding sex without reason or communication damages the marriage, opens the door to temptation, and creates resentment.

So what do you do?

1. Talk about it. Not in the bedroom, not in frustration, but calmly. “I’ve noticed we haven’t been intimate in a long time. Can we talk about why?”

2. Listen without assuming. Maybe there’s pain, trauma, exhaustion, unresolved conflict you don’t know about. Don’t judge, ask.

3. Pray consistently. At this point, it’s beyond human capacity. Ask God to soften both hearts, reveal root issues, and restore intimacy. Trust Him to do what you cannot.

4. Seek counseling. If they won’t talk or the issue is deeper, get professional help. A Christian counselor can navigate this.

5. Involve people they respect. If it’s become serious and they refuse to engage, speak to trusted family members, spiritual leaders, or mentors who can lovingly address the issue with them. Sometimes a spouse will hear truth from someone they respect when they won’t hear it from you.

But don’t suffer in silence. And don’t let shame keep you from addressing it.

FORGIVENESS: WHEN SEXUAL SIN HAS DAMAGED YOUR MARRIAGE

Maybe you’re reading this and you’ve already sinned sexually. Maybe pornography, an affair or withholding intimacy out of bitterness.

And now your marriage is broken because of it.

Here’s what you need to know: God forgives. And He can restore.

Psalm 51:10 says, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

If you’ve sinned, confess it. To God first, then to your spouse if it involves them. Seek forgiveness. Get help. Do the work to rebuild trust.

And if your spouse has sinned against you, extend forgiveness. Not because they deserve it, but because Christ forgave you when you didn’t deserve it either.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean there are no consequences. It doesn’t mean trust is instantly restored. But it does mean you’re choosing to release bitterness and allow God to heal what’s broken.

Marriage can survive sexual sin. But only with repentance, forgiveness, and God’s grace.

SEXUAL IMMORALITY THAT DESTROYS INTIMACY

Let’s talk about the things that steal intimacy even when you’re not physically with someone else.

Pornography: You’re engaging sexually with images and fantasies that aren’t your spouse. It creates unrealistic expectations, trains your brain to be aroused by pixels instead of a person, breaks trust, and it’s addictive.

Masturbation: When it becomes compulsive or replaces intimacy with your spouse, it’s a problem. You’re giving sexual energy to yourself that belongs in your marriage.

Unhealthy Fetishes: Sexualizing body parts or acts to the point that normal intimacy doesn’t satisfy you anymore. Your spouse becomes a means to fulfill a fixation instead of a person to connect with.

Fantasy and Emotional Affairs: Imagining yourself with someone else, crushing on coworkers, emotional intimacy with someone who isn’t your spouse. Your heart is engaging elsewhere.

Objectification: Viewing your spouse (or anyone) as a body to use instead of a person to love. This kills emotional and spiritual intimacy.

All of these are forms of sexual immorality. And they destroy the intimacy God designed for marriage.

So what’s the solution?

Get honest. Stop hiding. Confess to God, to your spouse, to someone you trust.

Get help. Accountability partners, counselors, support groups. You can’t fight this alone.

Renew your mind. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Fill your mind with truth, not images and fantasies.

Pursue your spouse. Redirect your sexual energy back where it belongs, in your marriage.

Pray for breakthrough. Ask God to break every stronghold, to give you self-control, to restore what’s been damaged.

This isn’t easy. But it’s necessary. Because you can’t experience healthy intimacy while feeding unhealthy desires.

HOW BELIEF SYSTEMS SHAPE YOUR VIEW OF SEX

What you believe about sex will determine how you experience it.

If you believe sex is dirty, you’ll struggle to enjoy it even in marriage. You’ll carry shame into the bedroom and rob yourself of pleasure God intended.

If you believe your body is your own to do with as you please, you’ll misuse it and face consequences. You’ll miss the beauty of covenant and exclusivity.

If you believe sex is just physical, you’ll miss the spiritual and emotional depth. You’ll treat intimacy like a transaction instead of connection. And it’s what many people have reduced it to.

Your beliefs must be shaped by God’s Word, not culture, not shame, not your past.

God says sex is good, sacred, designed for pleasure and intimacy within marriage. He’s not ashamed of it. He celebrates it (remember Song of Solomon? Proverbs 5?). He created your body to experience intense pleasure during sex because He wanted you to enjoy it.

So if you’ve been taught that sex is sinful or shameful, unlearn that lie. Study what Scripture actually says. Let God redeem your view of intimacy.

Because if you bring religious shame into your marriage bed, you’ll rob yourself and your spouse of the joy God intended. And that’s not honoring to Him or fair to your marriage.

Let God’s truth shape how you see sex. And watch how it transforms your experience.

A WORD TO SINGLES

If you’ve already had sex outside of marriage, maybe with one person or many, God’s grace is bigger than your past. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says you’re a new creation, the old is gone. You can practice celibacy starting today, honor God with your body from this moment forward, and trust that He redeems what was broken. There’s always time for turning around and doing what is right.

GOD’S WORD

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

This isn’t condemnation. This is protection. God knows what sexual sin does to you. And He’s calling you to something better.

CONCLUSION

Sex is good. Within marriage.

Sex outside marriage isn’t just breaking a rule, it’s breaking you emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally.

But if you’ve already crossed that line, there’s grace. You can start over. You can honor God with your body from this moment forward.

And if you’re married, honor the gift God gave you. Address the issues. Seek help if needed. Extend forgiveness if necessary. Don’t let shame, exhaustion, pornography, or bitterness steal the intimacy He designed for you.

Because at the end of the day, God’s design isn’t restrictive, it’s protective. And when you honor His boundaries, you experience the fullness of what He intended.

LET’S TALK

Have you struggled with sexual sin? Or are you married and facing intimacy challenges?

Let me hear your story in the comment section. Or reach out privately:📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com
📞 07064936800