Talk With Gloria: What You Accept (Part 1)

Talk With Gloria 

By Gloria O Ukamaka 

Let me ask you something: have you ever wondered why some people seem to always attract the same kind of treatment, regardless of who they’re with?

Different person, same disrespect. Different relationship, same lack of effort. Different partner, same pattern of being taken for granted.

It’s not coincidence. And it’s not bad luck either.

The way people treat you is often a reflection of what you’ve unknowingly taught them about your value.

If you accept breadcrumbs, they’ll keep giving you breadcrumbs. If you stay silent when disrespected, they’ll assume you’re okay with it. If you make excuses for poor behavior, they’ll keep behaving poorly.

This isn’t just about romantic relationships. It applies to friendships, family dynamics, work environments, everywhere. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, married, or healing from something that didn’t work out, this concerns you.

Because at the core of it all is one simple truth: people treat you the way you allow them to.

Today, we’re addressing something uncomfortable but necessary. Not to shame anyone, but to wake you up. Because awareness is the first step to change.

THE LIE WE’VE BEEN TOLD: “SILENCE IS THE BEST ANSWER”

You’ve heard it before. “Silence is the best answer.” “Don’t say anything, just let it go.” “Ignore it and move on.”

And sometimes, yes, silence is wise. When someone is trying to provoke you, when an argument will lead nowhere, when speaking won’t change anything, silence can be powerful.

But silence is not a one-size-fits-all solution.

There are times when staying silent is not wisdom, it’s self-betrayal. When you stay quiet about things that hurt you, when you don’t speak up about disrespect, when you swallow your feelings to keep the peace, you’re not being mature. You’re teaching people that your boundaries don’t matter.

The truth? Silence in the wrong context is permission.

If person no talk, dem go think say you like am. (You know what I’m saying, abi?) If you don’t address it, they’ll assume it’s acceptable. And before you know it, what started as a small thing becomes a pattern you can’t escape from.

So no, silence is not always the answer. Sometimes, the answer is clear communication. Sometimes, it’s setting a boundary. Sometimes, it’s walking away.

Context matters. And anyone telling you otherwise is selling you a convenient lie.

WHAT YOU ACCEPT IS WHAT YOU’RE TEACHING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR VALUE

People will treat you based on what you accept, not what you deserve.

You can be the most amazing person, kind, loving, supportive, generous, but if you accept poor treatment, that’s what you’ll keep receiving.

Because behavior that goes unchecked becomes behavior that’s repeated.

The first time someone disrespects you and you say nothing? They learn. The second time they show up late and you act like it’s fine? They learn. The third time they lie and you forgive without accountability? They learn.

And what are they learning? That your words don’t have weight. That your feelings don’t require consideration. That you’ll stay regardless.

This isn’t about being difficult or unforgiving. It’s about understanding that how you respond to mistreatment sets the tone for how you’ll continue to be treated.

You’re not teaching people to respect you by being harsh. You’re teaching them by being consistent. By meaning what you say. By not making exceptions for behavior you claim to dislike.

If you say something matters to you, act like it matters. It’s that simple.

WHY SELF-AWARENESS MATTERS MORE THAN YOU THINK

You can’t set healthy boundaries if you don’t know what you value.

A lot of people struggle in relationships, not because they’re choosing wrong, but because they don’t even know what “right” looks like for them.

They don’t know what they want. They don’t know what they won’t accept. They don’t know how they should or shouldn’t be treated. All they know is, “I just want someone to love me.”

And that desperation? It clouds judgment.

The way you carry yourself tells people how to carry you. If you don’t value yourself, why would anyone else? If you don’t know your worth, how will you recognize when someone is treating you below it?

Self-awareness is not selfish. It’s necessary. You need to know yourself, your values, your non-negotiables, principles, expectations, before you can build anything healthy with someone else.

And here’s the thing: how well informed you are determines how well you choose.

If your understanding of love is based on movies and social media, you’ll chase intensity instead of peace. If your idea of partnership is outdated or unrealistic, you’ll struggle in marriage. If you don’t understand what healthy communication looks like, you’ll repeat toxic patterns.

Knowledge protects you. It helps you recognize red flags early. It helps you know when to stay and when to walk away. It helps you build something that lasts instead of something that just looks good.

Whether you’re single and trying to choose wisely, or married and trying to maintain peace, the better informed you are, the better decisions you make.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PATIENCE AND ACCEPTING LESS

Let’s clear something up real quick: patience is a virtue. But accepting disrespect is not.

The scripture speaks about patience, about long-suffering, about bearing with one another in love. These are godly principles, and they matter.

But patience is not the same as letting people walk over you.

Patience waits for growth. Acceptance of less just endures pain.

Patience says, “I see you’re trying, and I’ll support you through this process.” Accepting less says, “I’ll pretend this is okay even though it’s hurting me inside.”

Patience has boundaries. It waits, but it doesn’t wait forever for someone who refuses to change. It gives grace, but it doesn’t excuse repeated harm.

So when someone tells you to be patient with poor treatment, ask yourself: Am I being patient, or am I being used?

There’s a difference. And knowing that difference will save you years of unnecessary heartache.

IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT COMMUNICATING, IT’S ABOUT HOW YOU COMMUNICATE

People always say, “Communication is key.” And yes, it is. But knowing how to communicate is even more important than just communicating.

You can talk and still not be heard. You can express yourself and still not be understood. Why? Because it’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it.

Are you speaking from a place of anger or clarity? Are you attacking or addressing? Are you trying to win an argument or find a solution?

Communication without wisdom just creates more problems. You end up saying things you don’t mean, hurting each other, and making things worse instead of better.

Healthy communication requires self-control, timing, and intentionality. It’s not about who can shout louder or who can prove they’re right. It’s about understanding and being understood.

sometimes, the issue isn’t that you didn’t communicate. It’s that the other person chose not to listen.

When you’ve clearly expressed how something makes you feel, and the behavior continues, that’s not a communication problem. That’s a respect problem.

And no amount of talking will fix someone who doesn’t value your voice.

GOD’S WORD

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’— 1 Corinthians 15:33

The people you allow into your life, and the behavior you accept from them, will shape you. Choose wisely. Guard your peace intentionally.

CONCLUSION

You are not responsible for how people choose to treat you. But you are responsible for what you allow.

In Part 2, we’ll talk about how to stop accepting less. How to set boundaries without feeling that you are doing something wrong. How to communicate effectively. How to walk away when necessary. And how to rebuild your sense of worth if it’s been damaged.

Because the truth is, you deserve better than what you’ve been settling for. And it starts with recognizing that what you accept today is shaping what you’ll experience tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

LET’S TALK

Have you ever felt like you were trying to love but couldn’t access it? Or maybe someone loved you but you couldn’t feel it?

I’d love to hear your story.

📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com
📞 07064936800