Talk With Gloria: Money in Love (Part 1)

Talk With Gloria 

By Gloria O Ukamaka

According to a study by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, money arguments are the major leading cause of divorce, right behind infidelity. Ramsey Solutions found that 86% of couples who married in the last five years started out in debt, and financial stress is cited as one of the top reasons marriages fail.

But here’s what the research doesn’t tell you: money fights are never really about money.

She’s sitting at the dinning table surrounded by bills, her calculator in one hand, her head in the other. He walks in from work, sees her face, and already knows what’s coming.

“We need to talk about money,” she says.

And just like that, the temperature in the room drops. Because they both know this conversation ends one of two ways: in silence or in shouting.

If this sounds familiar, if money has become a battleground in your relationship or marriage, then you need to understand something: you don’t have a money problem, you have a trust problem. A control problem. A values problem.

And until you address what’s beneath the numbers, the fights will never stop.

This conversation is for everyone, whether you’re single and building your financial foundation, in a relationship and figuring out how to merge lives, or married and trying to stop the bleeding. Because financial issues don’t start at the altar, they start long before.

THE THREE THINGS THAT EXPOSE WHO PEOPLE REALLY ARE

Let me tell you something that will save you years of confusion: people don’t change, circumstances reveal who they’ve always been.

You think you know someone until life tests them. And there are three major tests that will show you exactly who a person is at their core.

Money. Power. Sex.

These three things don’t create character flaws, they expose them. Someone can claim to be humble, generous, and selfless, but put money in front of them and watch what happens. Give them a little power and see if they become controlling. Introduce sexual temptation and discover if their integrity was real or performative.

Today, we’re focusing on money because it’s the silent destroyer of relationships. You can have great emotional intimacy, amazing physical connection, shared faith, but if you can’t handle money together, everything else will eventually crumble.

Money reveals greed when someone can’t share what they have. It reveals selfishness when they prioritize their desires over the family’s needs. It reveals pride when they refuse to be accountable. And it reveals fear when they hoard instead of trust.

If you want to know who someone really is, watch how they handle money.

WHY MONEY FIGHTS AREN’T REALLY ABOUT MONEY

When couples fight about money, they think they’re arguing about bills, budgets, or spending habits. But beneath the surface, it’s always about something deeper.

It’s about trust. Do I trust you with our resources? Do I trust that you’ll be responsible? Do I trust that you won’t waste what we’ve worked for?

It’s about control. Who has the final say in financial decisions? Who gets to spend without asking? Who holds the power in this relationship?

It’s about values. What do we prioritize? Is it building wealth or enjoying life now? Is it saving for the future or meeting immediate needs? Do we value generosity or security?

It’s about fear. What if we don’t have enough? What if you spend it all? What if something happens and we’re not prepared?

It’s about respect. Do you value my input? Do you see me as an equal partner or just someone who needs to fall in line with your financial decisions?

When you understand this, you stop yelling about receipts and start addressing the real issue. Because once trust, control, values, fear, and respect are aligned, the money part becomes manageable.

THE HUSBAND WHO HIDES HIS SALARY (AND WHY IT’S WRONG)

A man receives ₦300,000 every month, but he tells his wife he only makes ₦150,000. She’s at home budgeting, stretching, stressing, trying to make ends meet, while he’s sitting on half the income.

This is not just dishonesty. This is betrayal.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, transparent, full disclosure. When a husband hides his income, he’s saying, “I don’t trust you with the truth.” And worse, he’s putting his own interests above the family’s well-being.

So why do men do this?

To maintain control. If she doesn’t know how much he makes, she can’t challenge how he spends it. He holds all the power.

To fund a secret lifestyle. The money that’s not coming home is going somewhere. Maybe to another woman. Maybe to drinking, smoking, gambling. Maybe to maintaining an image his family never sees.

To avoid accountability. If she doesn’t know the full picture, she can’t ask questions. And he likes it that way.

Here’s what you need to know: if a man hides his income, there’s a high likelihood he’s either cheating or feeding an addiction. Because the money is going somewhere, and if it’s not coming home, you need to ask where.

Any man who isn’t honest about his finances isn’t trustworthy in other areas. Money is just the tip of the iceberg.

THE WIFE WHO WANTS TO KNOW BUT WON’T DISCLOSE (THE DOUBLE STANDARD)

But let’s not pretend this is only a male problem.

Some women demand full financial transparency from their husbands but hide their own income. “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is ours.” They want access to his account but guard theirs like a national secret.

This is also wrong. Many women have this mentality. It is wrong to think that way.

Partnership means both people are fully transparent. You can’t demand openness while operating in secrecy. If you’re hiding money from your spouse, you don’t trust them. And if you don’t trust them with money, why did you marry them?

Some women hide income because they’re afraid their husband will waste it. Some do it because they want financial independence just in case the marriage fails. Some do it out of selfishness.

But whatever the reason, hiding money creates the very distance you’re afraid of.

ADDICTION: WHEN MONEY GOES TO FEED A HABIT, NOT A HOME

One of the most painful reasons money disappears in a marriage is addiction.

Gambling. He’s betting on sports, playing online games, convinced that the next win will fix everything. Meanwhile, bills are unpaid and the family is struggling.

Alcohol and smoking. The money that should go to groceries is going to bottles and packs. And when you ask where the money went, there’s always an excuse.

Shopping addiction. She can’t stop buying things she doesn’t need. Clothes, shoes, accessories, the high of purchasing temporarily fills a void, but the debt keeps piling up.

Online betting. With apps making gambling so accessible, people are losing thousands without their spouse even knowing.

When addiction is present, it comes before the spouse. The money that should go to the family is funding the habit. And no amount of budgeting, planning, or fighting will fix it until the addiction is addressed.

If you or your spouse has an addiction affecting finances, get help immediately. Counseling, accountability, support groups, whatever it takes. Because you can’t build financial unity with someone whose first priority is feeding a compulsion.

START LEARNING FINANCIAL LITERACY NOW

Singles hear this: you don’t wait until marriage to learn how to handle money.

Financial literacy should start while you’re single. The better you manage money now, the better you’ll manage it in partnership later.

And here’s the beautiful part, you don’t need a university degree to learn this. Information is literally at your fingertips. YouTube is a free university with thousands of practical lessons on budgeting, saving, investing, and debt management. People are teaching with real examples, proof, step-by-step guidance.

Use AI tools to educate yourself instead of wasting time. Ask questions, learn systems, build habits. Because the financial habits you form now will follow you into every relationship and marriage you enter.

If you’re single and not learning how to manage money, you’re setting yourself up for financial chaos later. Don’t wait until you’re married and drowning in debt to start caring about this.

Financial responsibility is not something you develop after marriage, it’s something you bring into it.

CHECK FINANCIAL CHARACTER BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”

If you’re in a relationship and considering marriage, one of the most important things you need to assess is financial character.

Marriage should be the place where you’re fully transparent, not where you start hiding things. If you can’t talk about money while building a relationship, you won’t be able to talk about it in marriage.

Here are the red flags you should never ignore:

They’re secretive about their income. If they won’t tell you what they make, that’s a problem. Partnership requires openness.

They have unexplained debt. If they owe money but can’t (or won’t) explain why, you’re walking into a financial mess.

They’re impulsive with money. If they can’t delay gratification, can’t save, and always live beyond their means, that behavior will destroy your finances.

They don’t save or plan. If everything they make disappears with no plan for the future, you’ll be financially unstable in marriage.

They’re greedy or stingy. If they can’t be generous or if they hoard money selfishly, they don’t understand partnership.

They get defensive when you ask about finances. If bringing up money turns into an argument, they’re hiding something or they’re immature about it.

Don’t ignore financial red flags because you’re in love. There will be bills to be paid. Also, debts to clear. And you can’t fix someone who’s financially irresponsible. They’ll have to fix it themselves.

If you marry someone you can’t trust with money, you’ve made the wrong choice. And the foundation of your marriage will be shaky from day one.

This is why it’s so important to be diligent about who you’re building with. Don’t just check if they love God, check if they can manage what God gives them. Don’t just assess chemistry, assess responsibility.

Financial character matters just as much as emotional and spiritual character.

GOD’S WORD

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” — Luke 16:10

How someone handles money reveals how they’ll handle everything else. If they’re dishonest with ₦1,000, they’ll be dishonest with ₦1,000,000. If they can’t manage small finances, they won’t manage big ones.

God is watching how you steward what He’s given you. And so should the person you’re considering spending your life with.

CONCLUSION

Money fights are never just about money. They’re about trust, control, values, fear, and respect.

If your marriage is struggling financially, stop focusing on the numbers and start addressing what’s beneath them. Are you transparent? Are you trustworthy? Are you hiding income or feeding an addiction? Are your values aligned?

And if you’re single or in a relationship, start building financial literacy now. There’s no excuse. Don’t wait until marriage to figure out how to handle money. And don’t ignore financial red flags in the person you’re considering marrying.

In Part 2, we’re going to talk about how to actually build financial unity. How to have the money talk without fighting. How to create systems that work. How to align your finances with your faith.

But for now, just be honest. Is money exposing cracks in your relationship that you’ve been ignoring?

LET’S TALK

Have you struggled with financial dishonesty or hidden debt in your relationship? Or maybe you’re learning to manage money as a single person?

Let me hear your story in the comment section. Or if you need to talk privately:

📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com
📞 07064936800