Talk With Gloria: Marriage Dynamics (Part 2)

Talk With Gloria 

By Gloria O Ukamaka 

In Part 1, we addressed the confusion around submission and leadership. We talked about what submission is and isn’t, what leadership actually requires, and why both roles have been twisted into things God never intended.

Now comes the practical part: how do you actually build a healthy dynamic?

Because understanding the concept is one thing. Living it out is another.

Today, we’re talking about how men can lead well, how women can trust godly leadership, and how both can work together to build a marriage that honors God without toxicity.

This is for everyone. Whether you’re single and preparing, in a relationship and setting foundations, married and resetting dynamics, or healing and learning what to look for next time, this is for you.

Let’s dive in.

HOW MEN CAN LEAD WELL (WITHOUT BEING CONTROLLING)

Leadership in marriage is not about control. It’s about responsibility, sacrifice, and servant leadership.

If you want to lead your home well, here’s what it requires:

1. Lead spiritually first.

You can’t lead your family closer to God if you’re not close to Him yourself. Your wife and children need to see you praying, reading the Word, seeking God’s guidance, and living what you believe.

Spiritual leadership isn’t just saying grace at dinner. It’s setting the tone for how God is honored in your home. It’s protecting your family spiritually by being intentional about what influences come in.

If you’re not leading spiritually, you’re not leading at all.

2. Listen to your wife.

Leadership doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you’re wise enough to seek counsel, especially from the person God gave you as a partner.

Your wife is not your subordinate. She’s your equal, your helper, your partner. God gave her to you because she has insight, wisdom, and perspective you need.

So listen to her. Value her voice. Make decisions WITH her, not FOR her. A wise man doesn’t ignore his wife’s input. He considers it carefully.

3. Sacrifice for her well-being.

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

That’s the standard. Sacrificial love. Not just when it’s convenient, but consistently. Putting her needs above your comfort. Protecting her peace. Honoring her even when no one’s watching.

Leadership is not about what you can get. It’s about what you’re willing to give.

4. Be consistent and reliable.

Your wife can’t trust inconsistency. She can’t follow someone who’s unpredictable, unreliable, or only present when it suits him.

Leadership requires steadiness. Show up. Follow through. Be the same man in private that you are in public. Let your yes be yes and your no be no.

Consistency builds trust. And trust is the foundation of a healthy marriage.

5. Provide, protect, and cover.

Provision isn’t just financial. It’s emotional, spiritual, and relational. Protect her heart. Guard her peace. Cover her in prayer. Create a safe space where she can rest, grow, and thrive.

A woman who feels safe with her husband will naturally respect and trust him. But if she’s constantly anxious, unprotected, or unsupported, you can’t expect her to follow your lead.

Leadership is heavy. But if you want the title, you have to carry the weight.

HOW WOMEN CAN EMBRACE GODLY SUBMISSION (WITHOUT LOSING THEMSELVES)

Submission is not weakness. It’s not losing your identity or your voice. It’s choosing to trust and respect godly leadership.

Here’s how to approach it in a healthy way:

1. Submit to God first.

Before you submit to your husband, submit to God. Let Him guide you, protect you, and shape your understanding of what healthy marriage looks like.

When you’re rooted in God, you won’t lose yourself in submission. You’ll know your worth, your boundaries, and when something is off.

Your relationship with God protects you from submitting to the wrong things.

2. Respect godly leadership, not foolish decisions.

Submission doesn’t mean you blindly follow every decision your husband makes. If he’s leading in a way that dishonors God, harms the family, or ignores wisdom, you have a voice.

Godly submission means you respect his position, but you also speak up when necessary. You don’t undermine him, but you don’t stay silent when something is wrong either.

Respectful honesty is not rebellion. It’s partnership.

3. Encourage him to lead well.

If your husband is trying to grow as a leader, encourage him. Affirm him when he makes wise decisions. Support him when he’s learning. Pray for him consistently.

Leadership is a process, and he won’t get everything right. But when you come alongside him with respect and encouragement, it helps him grow into the man God called him to be.

A wife who respects her husband makes it easier for him to lead well.

4. Don’t submit to abuse or manipulation.

Let’s be very clear: God never called you to submit to harm.

If your husband is abusive, controlling, or using scripture to manipulate you, that’s not godly leadership. That’s toxic control. And you are not obligated to submit to it.

Submission is within the context of a healthy, God-honoring marriage. If that foundation is broken, seeking help, setting boundaries, or even creating distance is not disobedience. It’s wisdom.

You can honor the concept of submission without submitting to someone who dishonors you.

5. Trust the process.

Submission is easier when trust is built over time. If you’re newly married or resetting dynamics, give it time. Watch his character. See if his actions match his words.

You don’t have to force trust. Let it develop naturally as he proves himself faithful, consistent, and godly.

Trust is earned. And godly leadership earns it consistently.

SUBMISSION WORKS WHEN LEADERSHIP IS WORTH FOLLOWING

Here’s the truth that solves most of the tension: when leadership is done right, submission flows naturally.

A woman doesn’t struggle to respect a man who loves her sacrificially, listens to her, protects her, and leads with wisdom. She naturally trusts him because he’s proven himself trustworthy.

But when leadership is selfish, absent, or controlling? That’s when resistance happens. And it’s not rebellion. It’s self-preservation.

Most issues with submission are actually issues with leadership.

So if you’re a man frustrated that your wife doesn’t respect you, ask yourself: Am I leading in a way that earns respect? Am I loving her like Christ loved the church? Am I making sacrifices for her well-being?

And if you’re a woman struggling to submit, ask yourself: Am I resisting godly leadership, or protecting myself from ungodly control? Is this about my pride, or his failure to lead well?

Honest reflection on both sides changes everything.

FOR SINGLES: WATCH FOR THESE THINGS BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”

If you’re not married yet, pay attention now. The patterns you see while dating will follow you into marriage.

Does he respect your voice now? If he dismisses your opinions, makes decisions without considering you, or gets defensive when you speak up, he won’t suddenly change after marriage.

Does she respect godly authority? If she’s constantly challenging, undermining, or refusing to consider your input, that pattern will continue.

Do you see servant leadership or selfish control? Does he lead with humility, or does he demand his way? Does he listen, or does he dominate?

Do you see mutual respect? Can you both disagree without disrespect? Can you both submit to each other in humility?

Marriage doesn’t fix these things. It magnifies them.

So choose wisely. Look for character, consistency, and godly values. Don’t ignore red flags hoping they’ll disappear.

FOR MARRIED COUPLES: IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO RESET

If you’re already married and struggling with these dynamics, it’s not over.

Have honest conversations. Talk about expectations, frustrations, and what needs to change. Don’t attack each other. Approach it as a team working toward the same goal.

Seek godly counsel. If you can’t navigate it alone, get help. A pastor, counselor, or mature couple can provide perspective and guidance.

Both people need to be willing to grow. If only one person is trying, it won’t work. Both husband and wife need to humble themselves, seek God, and commit to change.

Be patient with the process. Patterns don’t change overnight. Give each other grace as you grow.

And remember: the goal is partnership, not perfection.

THE BALANCE: MUTUAL RESPECT, PARTNERSHIP, AND GOD AT THE CENTER

Marriage is not a competition. It’s not about who’s in charge or who wins arguments.

It’s about two people submitting to God first, and then working together to build something beautiful.

When a man leads like Christ and a woman respects godly leadership, the dynamic works. Both people feel valued. Both people feel heard. Both people grow.

Submission and leadership are not weapons. They’re tools for unity when used correctly.

And when God is at the center, everything else falls into place.

GOD’S WORD

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” — Ephesians 5:33

Love and respect. Sacrifice and honor. Both are required. Both matter.

CONCLUSION

Submission and leadership are not about control or power. They’re about partnership, sacrifice, and mutual respect.

When both are done right, marriage becomes what God intended: a reflection of Christ and the church, built on love, trust, and honor.

So men, lead well. Love sacrificially. Listen humbly. Carry the weight of your responsibility with grace.

And women, trust godly leadership. Respect consistently. Speak honestly. Partner without losing yourself.

Both roles matter. Both require humility. And both work beautifully when God is at the center.

LET’S TALK

Have you ever felt like you were trying to love but couldn’t access it? Or maybe someone loved you but you couldn’t feel it?

I’d love to hear your story.

📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com
📞 07064936800