Talk With Gloria: Social Media & Your Relationship (Part 1)

Talk With Gloria

By Gloria O Ukamaka 

Social media has become the third person in relationship, and it’s gradually destroying what should be intimate, connected, and alive.

Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married, this conversation is for you. Because what you’re consuming online is shaping how you think about love, and most of the time, it’s feeding you lies.

WHAT YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA ISN’T REAL

Everything you see on social media is edited, curated, and filtered.

That couple posting “#RelationshipGoals” every week might be fighting the moment the camera turns off. That “perfect marriage” you’re admiring might be falling apart behind closed doors. The romantic gestures, the expensive gifts, the flawless photos, they’re all highlights, not reality.

Even the “raw” and “real” content goes through editing. People choose what to show you, and they only show you what makes them look good.

You’re comparing your real life, with all its shortcomings and mundane moments, to someone else’s carefully crafted highlight reel. And that comparison is killing your contentment.

You look at your relationship and think it’s boring because it doesn’t look like what you see online. But the truth is, no real relationship looks like that. Love is in the shared moments, the unglamorous sacrifices, the everyday consistency that often a lot of persons play down on.

Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” What looks perfect online might be poison in real life.

THE “MARRY SOMEONE WHO GIVES YOU PEACE” TREND (AND WHY IT’S ONE-SIDED)

You’ve seen the posts everywhere. “Marry a woman who gives you peace, this life is hard enough.” “Find a man who brings you peace, not stress.”

It sounds wise, and yes, peace in a relationship matters. But here’s the question you should be asking: Do you have the capacity to give peace?

You want a peaceful partner, but are you peaceful? You want someone to calm you down, but do you ever control yourself? You want a wife who doesn’t nag, but are you a husband worth respecting? You want a man who’s patient, but are you constantly testing his patience?

Peace in a relationship isn’t one person’s responsibility, it’s a partnership. Both people have to bring it.

Men, you can’t demand a peaceful wife if you’re the one starting arguments, refusing to communicate, being controlling or dismissive. Women, you can’t demand a peaceful man if you’re creating drama over small things, disrespecting him, or constantly complaining.

If you want peace, be peace. Otherwise, you’re just looking for someone to tolerate your chaos.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS STEALING YOUR QUALITY TIME

Here’s what’s happening in relationships these days: people are physically together but emotionally absent.

You’re sitting next to your partner, but both of you are on your phones scrolling endlessly through content that adds no value to your life. You’re consuming other people’s relationships, other people’s problems, other people’s opinions, while ignoring the person right in front of you.

And what you consume matters. What you feed your mind subconsciously builds up inside you, and over time, it manifests in how you think, speak, and relate to your partner.

If you’re constantly watching toxic relationship content, listening to bitter people give advice, or comparing your partner to fantasies online, that toxicity will seep into your real relationship.

You’re stealing time that should be spent building intimacy, having real conversations, laughing together, and you’re giving it to strangers on a screen.

PEOPLE NO LONGER KNOW HOW TO BE PRESENT

Imagine this: you’re trying to talk to your partner about something important, something that’s been weighing on your heart. And in the middle of your sentence, they burst out laughing.

“Oh my god, you need to see this video!”

They’re not listening. They’re distracted. They’ve chosen social media over you in that moment.

Your partner feels neglected, ignored, and unimportant. And the attention span people give to their partners now is shockingly short. But they’ll spend three hours scrolling through strangers’ lives without thinking twice.

This is what social media has done: it’s trained us to be constantly entertained, constantly stimulated, and the quiet, steady presence of a real person feels boring in comparison.

But real intimacy isn’t loud or flashy. It’s in the small moments, the calm presence, the undivided attention. And if you can’t put your phone down long enough to be present, you’re destroying your relationship slowly.

QUALITY TIME HAS BEEN REDUCED TO SEX (AND THAT’S A PROBLEM)

When you say “quality time” to most couples, they immediately think of one thing: sex.

And don’t get me wrong, physical intimacy is important. But if that’s the only way you know how to connect, your relationship will eventually feel empty.

A friend of mine said something profound: “Friendship is a relationship without physical intimacy.” Think about what you do with friends. You talk, you laugh, you play games, you share your emotions, you’re vulnerable, you just enjoy each other’s presence.

That’s what married couples should be doing too. But social media has replaced all of that.

Instead of talking to your spouse, you’re scrolling. Instead of playing a game together, you’re watching reels. Instead of being emotionally present, you’re consuming content.

And then when the only time you’re “together” is in the bedroom, even that becomes routine and boring because there’s no emotional connection fueling it.

You need friendship in your relationship. You need to actually like spending time with each other, not just tolerate it.

THE COMPARISON TRAP (FOR MEN AND WOMEN)

Social media feeds comparison, and comparison destroys contentment.

For men: You’re seeing women online with perfect bodies, curated photos, filtered faces, and you start comparing them to your wife. She just had a baby, her body changed, she’s exhausted from taking care of the home and kids. But you’re comparing her to influencers with personal trainers, chefs, makeup artists, and surgery. You’re losing attraction to the real woman in front of you because you’re lusting after fantasies.

For women: You’re seeing men online who are successful, romantic, buying their wives expensive gifts, taking them on luxury trips. Then you look at your husband and start resenting him. “Why doesn’t he do this? Why isn’t he like that?” But you don’t know that man’s reality. You don’t know his debts, his struggles, his character behind closed doors. You’re making your husband feel inadequate because he’s not performing like men online.

Both of you are destroying your relationship by comparing it to illusions.

Hebrews 13:5 says, “….be content with what you have.” That applies to relationships too. Be content with the real person you have, not chasing fantasies online.

SOCIAL MEDIA MAKES YOU THINK THE GRASS IS GREENER ELSEWHERE

You’re in a good relationship, but social media makes you feel like you’re missing out. Listen, the grass is only greener, where you water it.

Your ex posts with someone new, looking happy. Someone from your past is living their “best life.” Suddenly, your relationship feels boring, inadequate, not enough.

But you’re seeing 1% of their reality. That “happy” ex might be miserable behind the scenes. That “perfect” life might be full of debt, stress, and fake smiles.

Social media makes you want what you don’t have instead of appreciating what you do. And that’s a dangerous place to be.

Comparison is the thief of joy. And when you’re constantly comparing, you’ll never be satisfied, no matter how good your relationship actually is.

THE DAMAGE OF CONSUMING TOXIC RELATIONSHIP CONTENT

The internet is full of relationship “advice” from people with diverse perspectives.

Podcasts telling men to control their women, to be the alpha, to not tolerate disrespect. Content telling women that if their man isn’t doing X, Y, Z, he’s trash and they should leave. Bitter/hurt people telling others how to succeed. You can’t give who you are not.

What you consume shapes how you think. If you’re constantly feeding on toxic content, you’ll bring toxicity into your relationship.

You’ll start adopting attitudes that don’t serve you. You’ll start seeing your partner as the enemy instead of your teammate. You’ll start believing lies about what love should look like.

GOD’S WORD

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

What you’re feeding your mind on social media is shaping your relationship. That is- what you allow into your heart through your eyes and ears will flow into your relationship.

Guard what you consume and Choose wisely.

CONCLUSION

Social media isn’t evil, but it’s being misused. It’s stealing your time, your attention, your peace, and your intimacy.

It’s making you compare your real relationship to fake ones. It’s training you to be distracted instead of present. It’s feeding you toxic content that’s damaging how you think about love.

In Part 2, we’ll talk about how to protect your relationship from social media toxicity, how to set boundaries, and why your marriage isn’t content for public consumption.

But for now, ask yourself: Is social media enhancing my relationship or destroying it?

LET’S TALK

Has social media affected your relationship? Are you struggling with comparison or distraction?

Let me hear your story in the comment section. Or if you need to talk privately:

📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com
📞 07064936800