Talk With Gloria: Money in Love (Part 2)

Talk With Gloria 

By Gloria O Ukamaka

In Part 1, we talked about why money destroys marriages. Not because of the amount you have, but because of what money exposes: trust issues, control battles, hidden addictions, and fundamental incompatibility in values.

We established that money is one of the three big things that reveal who people really are, alongside power and sex. And we saw how hiding income, financial infidelity, and lack of transparency create the very problems couples spend years fighting about.

But knowing the problem isn’t enough. You need solutions.

How do you actually build financial unity in marriage without it tearing you apart?

The good news is it’s possible. The challenging news is it requires transparency, intentional communication, shared goals, and a willingness to prioritize partnership over control.

Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or single and preparing for the future, this is how you create financial peace instead of financial chaos.

THE FOUNDATION: 100% FINANCIAL TRANSPARENCY

Let’s start with the non-negotiable: if you want financial unity, you need complete transparency.

No hidden bank accounts. No secret spending. No concealed debt. Both incomes are fully disclosed. All financial decisions are made together, or at minimum, both partners are aware of what’s happening.

This applies whether you’re married or in a serious relationship heading toward marriage. If you can’t be transparent about money now, you won’t magically become transparent after the wedding.

Transparency doesn’t mean you have no financial privacy, it means there are no secrets. Your spouse knows what you make, what you owe, what you’re saving for, and where the money goes.

When both people operate with full honesty, trust is built. When one person hides, suspicion grows. And suspicion kills intimacy faster than any debt ever could.

Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

Financial secrets are like hidden sin, they grow in the dark. Bring them into the light.

HOW TO HAVE “THE MONEY TALK” WITHOUT FIGHTING

Most couples avoid talking about money because they know it’ll turn into a fight. So they just… don’t talk about it. Until a crisis forces the conversation.

But avoidance doesn’t prevent conflict, it guarantees it.

Here’s how to have the money conversation without it ending in an argument:

Set a specific time: Don’t bring it up in the middle of an unrelated argument or when one of you is stressed. Say, “Can we sit down this Saturday morning to talk about our finances?”

Both come prepared: Know your income, your expenses, your debts, and your goals. Write it down if you need to. Don’t go into the conversation blind.

No blame, no shame: If your spouse has debt, made a bad financial decision, or overspent, now is not the time to attack them. The goal is to move forward together, not to punish the past.

Talk about the big questions:
– How much do we each make?
– What are our current debts?
– What are we spending money on monthly?
– What are our short-term financial goals (this year)?
– What are our long-term financial goals (five years, ten years)?
– How do we want to manage money as a couple?

Agree on a system that works for both of you. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What matters is that you both feel heard, respected, and part of the decision.

FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS FOR COUPLES

Once you’ve had the conversation, you need to decide on a system. Here are three common approaches, each with pros and cons.

Option 1: Joint Account (Everything Combined)

All income from both spouses goes into one shared account. All expenses come out of that same account. You’re fully merged financially.

Pros: Maximum transparency, true partnership, simple to manage.

Cons: Requires high trust and communication. If one person is irresponsible, both suffer.

Best for: Couples who are on the same page financially, both responsible, both committed to the partnership.

Option 2: Joint + Individual Accounts

You have a joint account for shared expenses like rent, bills, groceries, and kids’ needs. But you also each have personal accounts for individual spending.

You agree on how much goes into the joint account each month, and whatever’s left over is yours to manage as you see fit.

Pros: Gives financial autonomy while maintaining unity. You don’t have to justify every personal purchase.

Cons: Requires clear boundaries. If not managed well, one person might neglect the joint account to fund personal desires.

Best for: Couples who value some independence but still want to share the big financial responsibilities.

Option 3: Proportional Contribution

Each person contributes to joint expenses based on their income percentage. If one spouse earns 70% of the household income, they contribute 70% toward bills, and the other contributes 30%.

Pros: Fair when there’s significant income disparity. No one feels like they’re carrying the entire load alone.

Cons: Can feel transactional if not approached with the right mindset. Partnership should feel like “ours,” not “yours and mine.”

Best for: Couples with very different income levels who want fairness without resentment.

No system is perfect: The key isn’t which system you choose, it’s that you both agree on it, you both follow it, and you both communicate when something isn’t working.

CREATING A BUDGET TOGETHER (YES, YOU NEED ONE)

I know the word “budget” makes people cringe. It sounds restrictive, boring, limiting.

But a budget isn’t about restriction, it’s about intentionality. It’s a plan that tells your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Here’s how to create a simple monthly budget together:

Step 1: List your combined monthly income: Everything both of you earn.

Step 2: List your fixed expenses: Rent, electricity, water, internet, transportation, school fees. Things that don’t change month to month.

Step 3: List your variable expenses: Food, toiletries, clothing, entertainment. Things that fluctuate.

Step 4: Set savings goals: Emergency fund, future investments, specific purchases. Decide how much you’re saving each month.

Step 5: Allocate fun money: Yes, budget for enjoyment. Dates, hobbies, personal treats. If you don’t plan for it, you’ll feel suffocated.

Step 6: Review at the end of the month: Did you stick to it? What worked? What didn’t? Adjust for next month.

When you budget together, you’re making decisions together. No one feels blindsided. No one feels controlled.

Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.”

Planning isn’t boring, it’s wise. And wisdom leads to peace.

SHARED FINANCIAL GOALS: DREAMING TOGETHER

One of the best ways to stop fighting about money is to create shared financial goals.

When you’re both working toward the same thing, money stops being a point of conflict and becomes a tool to build your future.

Sit down and ask each other:
– What are we saving for?
– Do we want to build a house? When?
– Do we want to start a business? What kind?
– How are we planning for retirement?
– How are we preparing for our kids’ education?
– What kind of lifestyle do we want in five years? Ten years?

When you have shared goals, spending decisions become easier. “Should we buy this?” becomes “Does this move us closer to our goal or further away?”

Dream together. Plan together. Build together.

HOW TO HANDLE FINANCIAL DISAGREEMENTS

Even with transparency, budgets, and shared goals, you’re still going to disagree about money sometimes.

One of you is a spender, the other is a saver. One wants to enjoy now, the other wants to secure the future. One sees money as a tool for experiences, the other sees it as security.

Below is how to handle disagreements without destroying unity:

Understand each other’s money personality: Are you a spender, saver, investor, or avoider? Knowing this helps you understand *why* they think the way they do.

Compromise: Meet in the middle. If he wants to save everything and she wants to enjoy life, agree on a percentage for saving and a percentage for fun.

Set spending limits: Agree on an amount either of you can spend without consulting the other. Below that amount, you have freedom. Above it, you discuss first.

For big purchases, both must agree: Car, house, major investment, if it’s significant, it requires both people’s approval.

Don’t let pride or stubbornness create financial division. Flexibility and humility keep the peace.

WHAT TO DO IF ONE PERSON IS FINANCIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE

This is the hardest situation. You’re trying to build financial unity, but your spouse is reckless with money. Overspending, hiding purchases, refusing to follow the budget, accumulating debt.

These are some of the things you do:

Step 1: Have a calm, honest conversation. Not in anger, not in accusation, but in truth. “I’ve noticed our finances are out of control. We need to talk about this.”

Step 2: Set clear boundaries and consequences. “If we agree on a budget and you break it repeatedly, we’ll need to separate our accounts until you’re ready for partnership.”

Step 3: Consider financial counseling. A neutral third party can help both of you see blind spots and create accountability.

Step 4: If they refuse to change and it’s destroying the family, seek help. Financial irresponsibility isn’t just about money, it’s about respect, partnership, and whether they value the marriage.

You can’t build financial unity with someone who refuses accountability. And at some point, you may have to protect yourself and your children from their recklessness.

ADDRESSING DEBT TOGETHER

Many couples hide debt from each other. Credit cards maxed out in secret, loans taken without disclosure, money borrowed from family and never mentioned.

If you want financial unity, you need to be honest about debt.

Sit down together and list every single debt. Who it’s owed to, how much, and the interest rate. No hiding, no excuses.

Then create a plan to pay it off together. Use the debt snowball method (pay off smallest debts first) or the avalanche method (pay off highest interest first). Whatever works for you, but do it together.

And stop accumulating new debt. If you’re paying off old mistakes while making new ones, you’ll never be free.

Celebrate small wins. Paid off a credit card? Celebrate. Cleared a loan? Celebrate. These milestones matter.

Romans 13:8 says, “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another.”

Debt is bondage. Freedom is possible, but it requires honesty and partnership.

THE SPIRITUAL SIDE OF FINANCIAL UNITY

You can have all the systems, budgets, and plans in the world, but without God at the center, your finances will never have true peace.

Prayer: Pray together about financial decisions. Big purchases, career moves, investments. Let God guide you.

Trust Him as your provider:  Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Your income isn’t your source, God is.

When you manage money with God’s wisdom, you manage it with peace.

FOR SINGLES: PREPARE NOW FOR FINANCIAL PARTNERSHIP LATER

If you’re single or in a relationship and not yet married, use this season to build the habits you’ll need later.

Learn to budget now. Clear your debt before marriage if possible. Build an emergency fund. Save intentionally. Practice generosity. Learn contentment.

The financial habits you develop now will follow you into marriage. If you’re careless and broke now, marriage won’t fix that.

Proverbs 27:23 says, “Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds.”

Pay attention to your finances now. It’ll pay off later.

GOD’S WORD

“The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” — Proverbs 21:5

Financial unity requires planning, communication, and diligence. It doesn’t happen by accident. You have to build it intentionally.

CONCLUSION

Financial unity is possible. Even if you’ve been fighting about money for years, even if one of you has been hiding income, even if debt feels overwhelming.

It’s possible.

But it requires transparency, communication, shared goals, mutual respect, and God at the center.

Start today. Have the conversation, create a budget, set goals, Stop hiding, Start building.

Because money doesn’t have to destroy your marriage. It can actually strengthen it when you learn to manage it together.

LET’S TALK

Are you building financial unity in your relationship or marriage? Or are you struggling to get on the same page?

Let me hear your story in the comment section. Or if you need to talk privately:

📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com
📞 07064936800