Talk With Gloria: Deeper Together (Part 1)

Talk With Gloria 

By Gloria O Ukamaka 

When most people hear “intimacy,” their minds jump straight to sex. But intimacy is far more layered and emotional intimacy is the foundation for both relationships and marriage. In a relationship, this is where you learn to open up, share your fears, and build trust without shame. It’s the practice ground that makes deeper connection in marriage possible. And for those already married, emotional intimacy is what keeps the bond alive, strengthens every other form of closeness, and makes physical and spiritual intimacy richer. If you can build this, everything else becomes easier. Let’s delve in….

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTIMACY?

Emotional intimacy is being fully known and fully accepted.

It’s when you can share your deepest thoughts, your biggest fears, your secret dreams, and your partner doesn’t judge you. They listen, they understand, they hold space for you.

It’s feeling safe enough to say, “I’m struggling,” without fear of being dismissed. It’s being able to cry in front of them without feeling weak. It’s knowing that when you speak, they actually hear you.

It’s different from physical intimacy. You can have sex without emotional connection, but it’ll feel empty. You can share a bed and still feel completely alone.

Emotional intimacy is what makes you feel like you’re actually with someone, not just next to them.

WHY EMOTIONAL INTIMACY MATTERS MORE THAN PHYSICAL

A lot men don’t understand that women need emotional intimacy to desire physical intimacy.

If she doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you, if she doesn’t feel seen, heard, and valued, then sex feels like one more thing she has to do for you. It becomes a chore, not a connection.

Also, this is something many women don’t understand: men need emotional intimacy too, they just don’t always know how to ask for it.

When a man shuts down emotionally, it’s not because he doesn’t care. It’s because he was taught that vulnerability is weakness, that real men don’t talk about feelings. So he bottles it up, keeps it moving, and slowly disconnects.

But both need it. Without emotional intimacy, marriage becomes transactional. You’re going through the motions, checking boxes, fulfilling duties, but you’re not actually connecting.

And when that happens, everything else falls apart. The sex becomes mechanical. The conversations become surface-level. The relationship becomes boring.

You start looking for connection elsewhere, maybe in friendships, maybe online, maybe in distractions. And before you know it, you’re married but emotionally single.

SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE LACKS EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

Let me ask you some honest questions. Don’t skip over these, actually think about them.

Do you still share your day with each other? Not just “How was work?” “Fine.” But real sharing, telling them what made you laugh, what frustrated you, what you’re thinking about.

When something big happens, is your spouse the first person you want to tell? Or do you call your friend, text your sibling, post on social media, and then maybe mention it to them?

Can you talk about your feelings without it turning into a fight? Or do you avoid vulnerability because you know they’ll dismiss you, get defensive, or make it about themselves?

Do you feel lonely even when you’re together? Like you’re in the same room but living in different worlds?

Has sex become mechanical or obligatory? Going through the motions but not actually connecting?

If you answered yes to most of these, your marriage is suffering from emotional disconnection. And if you don’t address it, it will only get worse.

WHY EMOTIONAL INTIMACY DIES IN MARRIAGE

It doesn’t usually die overnight. It fades slowly, like a plant you forget to water.

Busyness kills it. Work, kids, responsibilities, you’re so focused on survival that connection becomes a luxury you can’t afford. Except it’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Unresolved conflict builds walls. Every argument you don’t fully resolve, every hurt you don’t address, creates another brick in the wall between you. Eventually, the wall is so high you can’t see each other anymore.

You stop communicating. Not because you’re angry, just because you’re tired. It’s easier to scroll your phone than to have a deep conversation. Easier to watch TV than to be vulnerable.

Childhood wounds show up. If you have an avoidant attachment style, emotional intimacy feels suffocating. If you’re anxiously attached, you crave it so desperately that you push your partner away. Your past starts controlling your present.

Pornography and emotional affairs steal your emotional energy. You’re giving your mind, your heart, your attention to someone or something else. And there’s nothing left for your spouse.

You take each other for granted. You stop pursuing them. You stop asking questions. You stop being curious about who they’re becoming. You assume you already know everything about them, so why bother?

Pride and unforgiveness keep you distant. You’re still holding onto something they did months or years ago. You won’t let it go, so you won’t let them in. And slowly, quietly, the intimacy dies.

THE BIBLICAL FOUNDATION FOR EMOTIONAL INTIMACY

God designed marriage to be emotionally intimate, not just physically or legally connected.

Genesis 2:25 says Adam and Eve were “naked and unashamed.” Yes, physically. But also emotionally. They were fully known, fully seen, and fully accepted.

Ephesians 5:28-29 tells husbands to “love their wives as their own bodies,” to nourish and cherish them. You can’t nourish someone emotionally if you don’t know what they need. You can’t cherish someone you don’t truly know.

1 Peter 3:7 commands husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way.” Not just in the same house. In understanding. That requires emotional intimacy.

Proverbs 24:3 says, “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.” Understanding your spouse, knowing their heart, being emotionally connected, that’s what establishes a marriage. Not just shared bills and shared routines.

God designed you to be deeply known and deeply loved. Not surface-level. Not transactional. But deeply.

GOD’S WORD

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”— 1 Peter 4:8

Deep love requires deep connection. You can’t love someone deeply if you don’t know them deeply. And you can’t know them if you’re not emotionally intimate.

CONCLUSION

Emotional intimacy is the foundation of everything else in your marriage.

Without it, sex feels empty. Conversations feel shallow. Life feels lonely even when you’re together.

But here’s the good news: it’s not too late. Even if you’ve been emotionally disconnected for years, you can rebuild. It won’t happen overnight, but it’s possible.

In Part 2, I’m going to show you exactly how to rebuild emotional intimacy. Practical steps, real tools, things you can start doing today.

But for now, just be honest with yourself. Is emotional intimacy missing in your marriage? And if it is, are you willing to do something about it?

LET’S TALK

Does your marriage feel more like roommates than lovers? You’re not alone.

Let me hear your story in the comment section. Or if you need to talk privately:

📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com
📞 07064936800