Talk With Gloria: The One Thing You Need Before Finding ‘The One’ (Part 1)

Talk with Gloria

By Gloria O Ukamaka 

Why Who You Are and Why You’re Here Should Shape Who You Choose.

The Neglected Foundation

When we talk about relationships, people often focus on compatibility, attraction, or shared interests. But the real foundation goes deeper into the place of identity and purpose.

Because until you know who you are and why you are here, you’ll always look for someone else to give you what only God has already placed inside you.

My Story: Running in Circles

As a child, people used to call me “counselor” because even in primary school I was already listening to people’s problems and giving them advice. What did I know at that age, right? But somehow, I always had the dream of solving marital problems. I couldn’t explain how I just knew things.

Then I grew up. Somewhere along the way, I stopped chasing it. I wanted to fit in, to be like others. But the more I tried, the more miserable and empty I felt.

Later, I went back to who I was and started chasing it again. But this time, I listened to people who said, “You’re not qualified to talk about marriage because you’re not married.” That pushed me into desperation to get married quickly so that I could be validated.

It only led to heartbreaks. I was completely shattered and finally cried to God: “Use me however You wish.”

And God gently pointed me back to who I had always been. I didn’t need validation from people to affirm who He wired me to be. Embracing that identity has given me great peace.

And now it all makes sense why, even as a child, I could understand and counsel people on things far beyond my age.

Identity: Who Am I?

That’s the truth about identity: it’s not something people hand over to you, and it’s not something you create by yourself.

Identity is who God already says you are. It answers the question, “Who am I?”

A Boy Who Finally Saw Himself

I think also of a young man I once knew. He grew up feeling invisible. He wasn’t the loudest in the room, nor the one teachers called “brilliant.” But deep down, he knew there was something more.

One day, while reflecting on his life, he realized: “I may not be the smartest in class, but I carry a strength that others lean on. I am dependable. I am a builder.” That realization changed everything.

He didn’t suddenly become someone else; he simply discovered the truth that was always there. That’s the power of identity, it unlocks the door to purpose.

Purpose: Why Am I Here?

And what is purpose? It is the reason for which God placed you on earth.

If identity answers “Who am I?” then purpose answers “Why am I here?”

Purpose is the outward expression of identity. When a man knows who he is, he stops competing with others and starts aligning with what God placed inside him.

Relationships: The Real Connection

And here’s the connection to relationships: when you are secure in your identity and clear about your purpose, you no longer enter relationships out of desperation or comparison.

You enter them from a place of alignment. You begin to look for someone who complements your God-given assignment, not just someone who fills your loneliness.

That’s why relationships built on identity and purpose don’t just survive, they thrive. Because they are not driven by need, but by calling.

God’s Words

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

— Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

This scripture captures it all: your identity was known by God before anyone gave you a name, and your purpose was already set before you took your first breath.

Let’s Talk

So, let me ask you:

Have you really discovered your identity, the one God already stamped on you before you were born?

Are you living in your purpose, or are you still waiting for a relationship to hand it to you?

And most importantly, are you looking for someone who complements your calling, or just someone who cures your loneliness?

Please listen, marriage doesn’t create your purpose. It can only support it.

Until you settle who you are and why you are here, every relationship will feel like you’re trying on a borrowed life.

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