Talk With Gloria: Married Yet Tempted-Why Marriage Doesn’t Cancel Desire (Part 1)

Talk With Gloria

By Gloria O Ukamaka 

Nobody really warns you about this part. We grow up hearing that marriage is the holy cure to lust, distractions, and wandering eyes, like the moment you say “I do,” all those desires just vanish. But here’s the reality: some people step into marriage and realize temptation, especially sexual and emotional temptation, doesn’t pack its bags and leave. If anything, it knocks harder.

The Lie We Were Sold

Marriage was presented like some sort of spiritual firewall: “Once you’re married, you won’t struggle with attraction to anyone else.”

But the truth? Many husbands and wives discover that marriage doesn’t erase desire, it redirects it. And if you’re not intentional, that desire can wander.

Temptation doesn’t respect vows. It doesn’t respect the fact that you wear a ring. And sadly, for many couples, this is the silent struggle no one talks about because it sounds too scandalous.

Why It Feels Even Stronger After Marriage

Here’s the part people won’t admit: marriage itself can create new vulnerabilities.

When you feel unseen by your spouse.

When old wounds start reopening in the routine of daily life.

When stress, unmet expectations, or emotional distance creep in.

Suddenly, someone else’s attention feels flattering. That “innocent” DM feels exciting. That colleague who listens to you feels easier to talk to than your partner.

This is how good people, even well-meaning Christians, slide into dangerous paths.

But Here’s the Good News

Temptation itself isn’t sin. It’s what you do with it that makes or breaks you. Jesus Himself was tempted. That should tell you that facing temptation doesn’t make you unholy, it makes you human.

The difference is: do you entertain it, or do you confront it? Do you let it linger, or do you shut the door immediately?

Love Is What Anchors You

And here’s where it ties back to something culture has twisted: love.

People say “love is not enough.” But that’s only because they don’t understand the kind of love that sustains a covenant.

The love of God-the agape love-is enough.

It’s what makes you forgive when your partner hurts you.

It’s what makes you stay committed when your emotions are all over the place.

It’s what makes you say “no” to temptation, not because it doesn’t look attractive, but because your heart is anchored.

Temptation is real, yes. But love-real love, God’s kind of love-is stronger.

The Conversation We’re Afraid to Have

Churches don’t talk about this enough.

Couples pretend it doesn’t happen.

Singles enter marriage blindsided because no one warned them.

And when temptation hits, they feel guilty, dirty, or broken.

But this silence only fuels more secrets. And secrets destroy marriages faster than temptation ever could.

It’s time to normalize the conversation. Not to justify weakness, but to arm people with truth.

The Illusion of Safety

There’s this common idea floating around that once you’re married, people will magically respect your vows. No man will ever flirt with you again. No woman will ever bat her eyelashes at your husband. Suddenly, temptation will pack its bags and go bother someone else.

If only.

Ask around. Married people don’t walk around in an invisible “do not disturb” cloak. If anything, the opposite happens. Some people, both men and women, see the ring as a challenge. Some are drawn to what they can’t have.

And then life happens: stressful jobs, unmet emotional needs, little arguments at home that pile up.

Before you know it, the “happily married” man or woman is facing more temptations than they did while single.

Here’s the tricky part nobody likes to admit: temptation isn’t proof that you married the wrong person. It’s proof that you’re still human.

And humans get distracted. They crave attention. They sometimes want the easy spark more than the hard work of commitment.

But here’s where marriages either crumble or grow stronger.

It’s not about whether you’ll be tempted. It’s about what you do when it shows up at your door.

Do you entertain it, justifying little texts, playful conversations, harmless “friendships”?

Or do you recognize it early and shut the door before it grows teeth?

Because temptation is like fire. A tiny spark doesn’t burn much. But left unattended, it’ll set the whole house on fire.

What No One Tells You

Temptation doesn’t disappear after vows. If anything, it multiplies because the enemy knows: break the home, break the generations after it.

Now, before you roll your eyes and say, “but you’re not married, what do you know?” let me just pause here.

You’re right. I haven’t walked down the aisle. I don’t have a ring on my finger. But here’s the thing: truth doesn’t suddenly become less true just because it’s not coming from someone who’s worn the ring.

Paul wasn’t married, yet he wrote some of the deepest truths about marriage we still live by today.

Doctors treat illnesses they’ve never had.

Teachers teach subjects they didn’t invent.

And sometimes, outsiders see what insiders are too busy surviving to notice.

I’ve counseled couples who came to me in tears, whispering things they were too ashamed to say out loud:

“I thought marriage would fix this. But why does it feel like I’m tempted even more now?”

So yes, I may not be married, but I’ve walked beside marriages that were bleeding, marriages that asked for guidance because they didn’t know how they got so close to falling.

And that gives me a perspective you can’t ignore.

So, back to it.

What God Says

“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.

And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.

But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

—1 Corinthians 10:12-13 (NIV)

This verse shifts the narrative. It tells us three things:

Temptation is not unique to you. You’re not abnormal, you’re not weaker than others, it’s common.

God is faithful. He sees you, even when no one else knows what you’re fighting.

There’s always a way out. That little nudge in your spirit, that call to set boundaries, that urge to step away, that’s your escape door. Take it.

Guarding What Matters

Marriage is not built on feelings, it’s guarded by choices.

And those choices will be tested again and again.

If you don’t set boundaries, temptation will set them for you.

If you don’t water your marriage, someone else’s attention will feel like rain.

It’s not about living in fear, it’s about being alert. Protecting your home like you’d protect your life, because honestly… it is your life.

Here’s the Truth

That you are married doesn’t make you untouchable.

But here’s the other side: the covenant gives you the grace to overcome what comes against you.

So don’t stay silent if you’re tempted. Don’t bury it until it festers. Talk to your spouse. Talk to God. Talk to a trusted counsellor if you must. But don’t pretend it isn’t real.

Because temptation thrives in secrecy, but loses power in the light.

Let’s Talk

Have you ever faced temptation in marriage, or found yourself in a season where you thought marriage would shield you but discovered new battles you weren’t warned about?

Or maybe you’ve seen someone close to you struggle silently with it. How did they (or you) handle it?

Drop your thoughts in the comments, your voice matters here.

And if this is something you’re wrestling with privately, you don’t have to carry it alone. For clarity, prayer, or healing, send me an email. I’m listening.

📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com

📞 07064936800

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