Talk With Gloria: Marriage Won’t Fix You, Wholeness Will.

Talk with Gloria
By Gloria O Ukamaka

If we’re being honest, many of us were groomed to idolize marriage.

From childhood, we were told, “One day you’ll meet someone who completes you,” as if wholeness is something you wait to find in another person. We celebrated weddings more than we celebrated being whole, and we assumed marriage would fill the void we never faced.

But here’s the truth: marriage does not make you whole. It reveals whether or not you already are.

And if you’re not, it can feel like a beautiful prison.

The Lie We Were Told

Culture, has sold us this polished fantasy of what marriage looks like.
Couple goals and happy ever after.
But that’s the highlight reel. The behind-the-scenes is what nobody prepares you for.

The loneliness you can still feel, even while lying next to someone every night.
The arguments that don’t end with quick apologies.
The silence that sometimes feels louder than screaming.
The mirror marriage holds up to you, forcing you to confront the parts of yourself you’ve ignored.

Marriage isn’t where healing happens. It’s where healing is tested.

I Used to Think I Was Ready

There was a time I thought I was ready, because I prayed, behaved, followed all the “good girl” rules. But what I was really doing was hoping marriage would make me feel more secure, chosen, and loved.

I didn’t realize that marriage doesn’t magically fill the gaps.
It magnifies them.

The emotional baggage, insecurities, unresolved trauma, control issues, they all come to the surface once you’re face to face with someone you can’t pretend with.

You don’t become one with someone else by losing yourself. You become one by showing up as a whole person.

What Marriage Actually Is

Marriage is not a reward for being “good.”
It’s a responsibility. A partnership. A space where two evolving people commit to growing, with each other, and for each other as one. It doesn’t seek to complete or compete, but to complement.

It’s not a quick fix or an escape route to freedom from parental pressure, and societal expectations.
And it should never be a plan B for people who don’t want to do the hard work of becoming emotionally mature.

Marriage won’t fix the father/mother wound.
Marriage won’t cancel the ache of past rejection.

Only God can do that. And only you can choose to participate in that healing.

What God Says

This will help you too.

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established. Through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”
Proverbs 24:3–4 (NIV)

Wisdom.
Understanding.
Knowledge.

That’s how a strong home is built, not based on vibes (what is vibe, really? Surely, I’m sure not the only one who doesn’t like that word, lol!) or chemistry or feelings.

If you don’t pursue knowledge and wisdom before marriage, you’ll end up begging for peace inside it.
If you don’t pursue understanding, you’ll think every challenging season means your marriage is a mistake.
If you don’t understand who you are, you’ll keep trying to find yourself in someone else’s love.

Marriage is beautiful and it’s for the display of God’s glory.

This is for You If…

• You’re obsessed with the idea of getting married but afraid of being alone
• You’ve placed marriage on a pedestal and are growing bitter waiting for it
• You’re married already and wondering, “Why didn’t anyone tell me it would have been worth preparing for?”

Let me tell you, you’re not alone.

You were just taught to chase something that was never meant to be the prize.

Wholeness is the goal.
Marriage is simply one of the journeys where wholeness is revealed, tested, and refined.

Let’s Talk

Are you in a place where you’re rethinking everything you believed about love and marriage?
Tell me what this post stirred up in you in the comments. I’d love to hear your honest thoughts.
And if you’d rather share privately, I’m available. Let’s talk, heart to heart.
📩 gloriaofficial25@gmail.com

📞 07064936800
💬 Want to share anonymously? Use this link and your identity will be kept private.
http://ngl.link/gloriainspires